As an eBay addict, I have a lot of items on my eBay wish list.

Whenever one of these items becomes available, I receive an email notification.

The other day, I received nine emails for the same rare item. Nine emails for a rare item?

Have people forgotten the word rare isn’t just how you answer the waiter when he inquires about your steak preparation? It’s also an adjective that means scarce, unusual, and infrequent.

Here is my guideline for using the word rare in an eBay listing.

Unless you’re selling a live elephant, or a photo of Ellen Degeneres wearing a dress, it is not rare. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is not a rare book (unless it contains the omitted chapter Look Ron, It Vibrates).

And the same goes for the word vintage. I am good with words and i haz gud grammar, as I’m the lead writer for LOL Cats, but so many people don’t use vintage correctly.

You cannot say “I am selling my vintage clown-porn collection.”

The word vintage has to have a reference point. You CAN say, “I am selling my vintage clown-porn collection from 1972, featuring Bozo the Clown and the Hamburglar.”  **

And lets not forget the connotation of the word vintage – something of value. Vintage does not mean junk. So many people on eBay just slap the word vintage on their garbage, list it, and hope that some poor sap will reach for his wallet.

I’m sorry, which of the Ten Commandments says, “Thou shalt take advantage of thy neighbor”?

So the bottom line?

Take your grammar seriously, and don’t write blogs when you’re high.

**   1) The original Hamburglar was portrayed by a young and out of work actor named  Al Pacino.   2) Watch for a cameo by Mayor McCheese in the “voting booth” sequence.