editToday’s post will be a little shorter than usual, and might actually be funny.

I am currently preparing to release my first eBook, and I have some marketing items to take care of, some changes to make to the website, and a final edit of my manuscript before it goes to a professional for editing.

In the meantime, I thought it would be fun to share some of the lines that I CUT from the book for various reasons.

As I look at these pearls of wisdom, I wonder…what the hell was I thinking?

 

I know we had sex because her stuffed animals were facing the wall.

As we ran from the theater and dove into the bushes, we were singing the theme from Mission Impossible.

It all started when Bill Clinton banged the daughter of an alien warlord and managed to start an intergalactic war.

My English teacher stapled McDonalds applications to assignments that received an “F”.

At the end of the day, I realized I had again forgotten to workout. That made three years in a row.

When your best friend shows up on a Big Wheel with a bag of weed and a bong, you don’t ask questions. There is definitely a Willy Wonka adventure ahead.

I feel like I’m in a pitch meeting for a Hallmark Channel movie.

She was really fat and dressed in a purple mini skirt. It was like getting a lap dance from Grimace.

I cheated on a girl named Lisa with a girl named Lisa. Well, it wasn’t really cheating, it was more like brand loyalty.

After leaving her dorm room, I knew I had done well…her floor mates all said goodbye to me…by name.

When completely baked – sometimes it’s just easier to hand the waiter your credit card and tell him to surprise you.

Written by stevemargolis

9 Comments

Judy

I am afraid to go to McDonalds this week. What if i run into Grimace? It will be awkward. hH probably reads this blog. 😆

Reply
Stewie11

These rock, Fatman. Vengeance is yours. Please kill Lois for me.

Reply
TheRealSheldonCooper

Bazinga. These are funny and easy to understand. Penny would like them. 😛

Reply
MarkT

I hope you left some funny stuff in the book. The book that we are waiting for. The book that has been promised to us. 😀

Reply

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