I’ve been getting tons of emails about the last two sales-related blogs, so I’m here to offer up number three. The salespeople quoted below actually said these very words to a customer.

I of course have added some thoughtful insights after each quote.


1.   “Let me be honest with you.”

Put on your raincoat boys, the shitstorm’s a comin’.


2.   “If I can get you that price, will you sign today?”

I really don’t care about you. I just want the commission. I’ve had my eye on a deluxe penis enlarger for quite some time.


3.   “Are you the decision maker?”

I’d hate to waste my time with someone who can’t help me get ahead.


4.   “I’m not selling anything.”

As it turned out, my salesperson was right.


5.   “Let me tell you about our company’s mission statement.”

I didn’t prepare anything so I’ll just quote the plaque that hangs on the wall in our corporate office. You’ll have to help me with the big words, though.


6.   “We can help you create value for your customer.”

He used the word “value” because it’s just vague enough for someone to think he knows what he’s talking about.


7.   “I had a few minutes before my next call and just wanted to stop by and see if I could sell you something.”

I was truly embarrassed by this one.


8.   “I’m a certified black belt in Six Sigma.

He means our company takes quality improvement seriously. Why not just say that instead of invoking a certification that was relevant 10 years ago? Half the people we talk to have no clue what Six Sigma means. Let’s be honest, half the people we talk to have trouble using forks.


9.   “We’re called ‘consultants’ now because ‘salesperson’ gets a bad rap.”

The Office Manager responded with “Imagine that.”


10.  “I’m not like the other salesmen. I care.”

He probably saw the other salespeople talking to you after he hid a spy cam in your office. Your pictures are probably all over the walls of his shabby apartment by now. Stalker, party of one!

Written by stevemargolis



I have had sales-slime ask me if I’m the decision maker on many occasions. I’m more like a gate keeper. I keep the idiots away from the managers. 😀


Sales guys always ask me if I’m the decision maker. It says Director on the door. 😕 it must be my blonde hair.


I’m going to start printing these out at work and hanging them in the sales bullpen. 😈

9th Element

I think we need the names of your salespeople so we can email them and tel them how great their selling skills really are.


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