Sales Wisdom #2

Last week I blogged about some of the stupidest emails I had received from salespeople over the years. I received 34 of your emails asking for more.

So here you go.

Here are some of the signature lines from emails I have received. The signature line is that cutesy little bit of wisdom under your email signature.


1.   Manipulating your business to make it grow!

This is a good quote – if you’re in the porn business.

2.   Going Beyond Caring

Beyond caring………that would be Hannibal Lecter territory?

3.   No excuses!

This was from a manager. Very inspiring. He sounds very open-minded.

4.   He who dares…WINS!

This quote should have been accompanied by a graphic of a cat doing a pull up.

5.   Don’t sell the steak, sell the sizzle.

Don Draper called. He wants his cheesy line from the 60’s back.

6.   If a man smiles all the time he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

This was funny, and even though the sales rep attributed the quote to himself, it was actually George Carlin. Go integrity! Plagiarism be damned!

7.   Save time… see it my way.

Just the Hitler-esque quote you want the client to see on all your correspondence.

8.   Junk is the ideal product.

No wonder this rep lasted 6 months.

9.   If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

This was from a rep who had an MBA from USC. I see she learned quite a bit. She now works at the Pentagon.

10.   You give me the time, I’ll give you the business.

Holy double entendre Batman!


  1. Stewie11 says:

    Well Fatman, it’s nice to start the day with a laugh. This was funny. However, not as funny as the cell phone post on your main website page. What are you smoking? I think YOU should pen the new Gilligan movie !!!

    P.S. Lois must die.

  2. MikeT says:

    Number 10 is hysterical. Great post!

  3. Frootloops says:

    Number 1 is the best. Who is that stupid? 🙄

    1. TooManyDogs says:

      Number one is definitely the best.

  4. Great follow up post. I hate salespeople too.

  5. Like your dad, you definitely see through the crap!!!

  6. Pitypang09 says:

    We are getting new floors right now, and none of the three salespeople we have seem to be able to give a straight answer. And these three are supposed to be the top of the pile. It is really sad that everything comes down to tricks.

  7. TheRealSheldonCooper says:

    Number 7 is part of the roommate agreement. 😀

  8. Renegade says:

    Numbers 1 and 10. How do the bosses even allow this? They are as stupid as the salespeople. ❗

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