The Afterlife

The other day I was asked for my opinion on “existence”.

Yeah. I couldn’t believe it either. My idea of deep thinking is deciding what flavor ice cream I should buy before sitting down in front of the TV and smoking a bowl.

Ok. I’m exaggerating. I have been trying to curb the smoking as I have a tendency to hop on the Internet and buy things, usually followed by a week of opening UPS deliveries and playing a game I like to call “Did I really fuckin’ order this?”

So here is how I explained my version of existence….

I believe that human beings are simply shells, and that what makes me, me, is my soul. If you took my soul away and gave it to a fish, the fish would become Steve, because the soul is what makes me who I am.

I believe earthly-life is a phase, and for 90 or so years, my soul is lucky enough to inhabit a life-sustaining, ambulatory pod to explore the earth and eat chocolate ice cream. Pretty simple.

But, what happens when you kick the bucket?

What happens when the life-pod has ceased to function?

What becomes of the soul?

Religious people will tell you- the soul takes off on a Harley and heads toward heaven or hell.

Non-religious people will tell you- “that’s all she wrote”. The body is gone, the soul is gone, and it’s eternity time in the brass-handled mahogany Buick.

I have a third theory, and believe it or not, it does not involve Marilyn Monroe or any type of ectoplasmic threesome.

A soul doesn’t just disappear. I’m a science guy and believe in the conservation of energy law.

I don’t believe in heaven or hell. They’re both places created by religion.

I think of our bodies as television sets.

I know. But let me explain.

My body is simply an organic TV set tuned to the intergalactic channel for “Steve”. When I die, when the TV no longer functions, the world can no longer watch Steve TV.

But…does that mean the television station has stopped transmitting the Steve channel?

No.

When your cable goes out in the middle of Duck Dynasty, it doesn’t mean that A&E stopped broadcasting the show, it just means your cable box is messed up and you can’t watch the show.

It would be the same for my body, although in my case,  Steve TV would be permanently off the air, with no chance of a mid-season pickup.

As for what the owner of the TV station (God) does with all the “cancelled” TV programs, I think we’ll have to wait until we’re dead to find out.

I’m hoping there is an alternate universe in need of quality Steve TV programming.

12 Comments

  1. Rebecca says:

    I like this theory. I have a similar theory where we all end up in one big cosmic soul pool when we die. If two of us think so similarly, we must be right! 😆

  2. MikeL says:

    Hehehehe. I’m one of the people who think you go in a box and rot/ But i still liked the blog.

  3. Hi Steve,
    Your cousin in Southfield MI loves this!! Whimsical, smart, funny, hopeful, all of the above!

    1. stevemargolis says:

      🙂

  4. Stewie11 says:

    Today’s post is great. I hope Brian is in a better place. 🙁

  5. I see myself more of an old record player with the needle skipping at the end.

  6. Frootloops says:

    I think we all get to be individuals, and then when we die, the soul becomes part of all consciousness. So our waking brain is individual, and our dreams are the giant pool of consciousness.

    1. stevemargolis says:

      I like this theory!!!!

      I agree. The subconscious is really just a collection of mankind’s thoughts and experiences. That’s why dreams are sometimes amazingly pleasant, and other times like a Justin Bieber CD.

  7. TheRealSheldonCooper says:

    💡 I have to say, Steve, your hypothesis is quite brilliant. I’m surprised that I didn’t think of this theory first. Oh that’s right, I’m busy doing the real work and you barely obtained a master’s degree. 💡

    Perhaps Penny has an opening at the Cheesecake Factory.

    1. stevemargolis says:

      Bazinga!

  8. I can relate to the smoking and the chocolate ice cream. 😀

  9. Great post. BTW, where did you find the photo of Lindsay Lohan?

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