Why should you purchase the Toaster Oven Mocks Me?

Here's six great reasons:

Rectangular

Makes a handy doorstop.

Low-Cost Entertainment

Cheaper than a movie and your shoes don’t get sticky. Usually.

Relaxation

Better than sleeping pills. You’ll be out by page six. And probably bleeding from the ears as well.

Safety

Paperback version can be used as a flotation device. 

Self-confidence

Read about me and instantly feel better about yourself!

Softness

Way better than than ordinary, one-ply toilet paper. 

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About Steve

Yeah, I know. You’ve read one sentence and you’re already bored. Join the club. I wrote this page at 3 AM in a Taco Bell parking lot.

Steve Margolis

You probably reached my website by accident. No problem. Just go back to Google and type “Tina Fey” into the SEARCH box and you’ll be whisked away to someone with talent.

Still here? OK. Here’s all you need to know about my writing career: With no actual talent to fall back on, I was left with two career choices- becoming a writer or becoming a porn star.

I knew either way people were going to be disappointed. Ultimately, I chose writing because I needed a vocation that would last longer than 5 minutes.

Introducing The Timelink Series

The job title “theoretical physicist” conjures up images of old men, disheveled hair, and brown orthopedic shoes. Professor Steve West though, is different. With his cinematic good looks, genius IQ, and obsession with history, it’s easy to understand why the federal government chose him to lead their top-secret time travel project, which for some unknown reason boasts a four-star review on Yelp.

But a fanatic will soon alter the space-time continuum, and change the history of a nation forever. A villain so self-centered that he writes checks in the supermarket and wears white after Labor Day. Now, it’s up to Steve West and his team to track this villain down, bring him to justice, and restore temporal equilibrium, all before the breakfast burritos kick in. Can they pull it off?